I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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