Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
