I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You're earring is so big in my mouth
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
