Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
