thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
