Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
