After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize