The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
