The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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