Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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