i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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