So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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