happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
