First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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