Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
