i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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