he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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