I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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