There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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