I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
