god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
