somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
