you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
