He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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