I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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