So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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