Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
