i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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