yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
