chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
