whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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