Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
