The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
