shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
