I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize