just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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