my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
