is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
