the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
