Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
