after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
