Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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