it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think i got beer on your cat.
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