last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
