Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
