I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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