Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
