Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Even my vagina gasped.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
