I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
