Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
