Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
