I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
