Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish my penis had a tongue
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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