I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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