I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
