a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
