I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
