So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
