There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
