You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
