I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
