You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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