I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm bleeding and have questions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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