what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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