i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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