i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
