Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
