Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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