the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Please, let me fuck your mom
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
