Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
