just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
