ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
