I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I touched a dick in church today
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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