Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
