so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
