an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
