There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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