if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
