if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
